I'm sad to say I came way too close to that actually happening earlier today. No lie.
WARNING! I feel like this is just going to be a super long post that nobody really wants so read, but this has just like happened/got done happening and I need to get it out before I explode.
So, my weekend. UM. Long story short, I made out with another guy. Almost did more. Almost. That was Friday.
Last night we had a new member retreat for my pledge class. We get initiated next Saturday so this was like one last night of bonding before we go through one of the most important things for us (everyone says so). Anyway, we do some soul sharing and stuff. I managed to keep my body hate a secret. I don't want people knowing that. But I did spill that I made out with another guy. Everyone was like AGAIN!? I had talks with people. I had to think....
Honestly, I've made out with 3 other guys since starting going out with my boyfriend, so I decided I needed to reconsider what was going on. I was thinking if I always just end up acting like I'm single, shouldn't I just be single? My pledge sisters were talking me through this actually. But in the end I decided that I actually want to be with my boyfriend, but if I want that, I have to start being more responsible. No excessive flirting ( which, I feel like, is how I get anything ever...sooooo I'm screwed), no excessive drinking, no excessive frat-hopping. My pledge sisters also convince me I need to tell Gold about this incedent.
Obviously he was pissed. Who wouldn't be? He starts saying shit. Really rude shit. Then finally got really, like, demanding or something? I'll share a text convo.
Gold: When are you getting back?
Me: We can leave as soon as it's light. I just have to wait for someone with a car to wake up.
Gold: Well when you get back come over to my house and you can like sleep or do whatever. And then when I wake up we'll go out for lunch/dinner. But I expect you here asap.
Me: Uh. What? You want me to just like walk in whenever I get back?
Gold: Yes. Come over right away. I guess you can go back to your room and shower and change or grab some clothes if you want to shower with me. Just get here NOW. And be ready to go out to eat when you do.
Like I was super mad when he was saying these things but I was trying to like not freak out on him because he was like half an inch away from breaking up with me. So I just did what he said. I went in his room, it smelled like puke. He's sleeping in his loft and I'm not really feeling like sleeping with him, so I crashed on the futon. He woke me up at like 2:30 and was like we're going to KFC.
So we went there (don't worry, I didn't eat) and it's super awkward. He's like starting me down and I can't keep eye contact. He'll occasionally ask me something like so when was this? Did you not think of the consequences? But usually it was just nothing. I felt terrible, literally. I felt like I was going to throw up. I was actually really afraid I would. Nobody has ever made me physically sick by just making me feel bad. I really couldn't say much or look him in the eyes. We leave without really establishing anything. Drive back, park in front of his house and just sit there for a few minutes.
Finally he's like "I don't want to break up with you, but I really don't want to see you this week." and I'm like uh ok? I was really super glad that he didn't break up with me, but still. Then he was like "We'll just take this week off from each other, you can't see me after Thursday anyway. If your initiation has any kind of moral content, and I'm sure it does, I REALLY hope you take it to heart."
K got it all out. I guess, if it works, this could be a good thing. I spend can this week focusing on not eating, working out, school work, not being a bitch and stuff, and my sorority stuff. This week is really important for my sorority and now I have no distractions. My sisters have my full attention. And that's good.