OK. Seriously. This entire thing with Gold has been on my mind ever since it's happened. I really don't think I've been able to completely focus on something else all freakin day. And I'm worried the rest of my week is gonna go a little something like this. I'm rambling/talking/crying to everyone I know gives the slightest fuck. It's pathetic. But really the longer this goes on, the more confused I am about it. Like, seriously? What the world?
1. Oviously he likes me a lot because I've cheated on him twice and he didn't break up with me, right? Right? Right? I mean, I definitely would have broken up with myself in this little scenario. Unless I really really really wanted to be with....myself. Awkward. Anyway, maybe it's not the same magnitude for him but still, he wants to be with me after I've cheated on him twice. Nuff said.
2. He told me he doesn't want to see me this week. What does that even mean? I know he's mad and probably needs space but a week seems like a very long time. And like everytime I tell a guy I don't want to see him I actually mean get your ass over here now and TRY to prove yourself to me if you even want a chance. But I don't think boys are that cryptic. Are they??
3. K. He said he doesn't want to see me this week, which may or may not be legit. But he didn't say he doesn't want to talk to me this week. Of course I haven't talked to him since, but it's only been like 10 hours tops. So is talking included in seeing? Or does he want me to talk to him. And by talk I mean text- it's our main form of communication. I feel like he definitely didn't mean don't talk to me for an entire week. But I do think he wants me to leave him alone for at least today. But IDK. I don't want to wait until it's too late. So what's the appropriate length of time to wait in these situations. Is there like a precedent for this or something? And I don't even want to begin to think about what I'd say if I did text him!
4. The timing sucks. This will for sure be wrapping itself up by Friday/Saturday. Unfortunately I'm on a strict No Booze, No Boys diet this weekend for initiation. And it's not a rule I want to break. But I think it's an important time for Gold and I to talk, if we're even talking.
5.the tickle, the taste of, it used to be the reason but now its just choking me up. That's his facebook status. I googled it (OMG I'm such a stalker!) and the rest of the lyrics look like they're about some cheater/whore of a girlfriend. GOTCHA. They're followed by like 8 comments between him and this girl just saying other lyrics. He said:
*No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch, unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.
*Well jesus christ, im alone again, so what did you do those three days you were dead? cuz this problems gonna last more than the weekend*Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
*I am not your friend i am just a man who knows how to feel,i am not your friend,i am not your lover,i am not your family
So yeah, idk what to think of this.
I don't know what to do about this! I'm really leaning towards just ending it now because obviously I can't handle being in a relationship. I'm way too much of a flirt. Actually I think I get my one and only super small does of self confidence from male attention, so idk how I can be somewhere and not flirt with guys. And it's not just like when I'm there. I'm texting the guy I made out with on Friday as I write this.