I feel like boys are the driving force behind my body hating-ness. Not that I feel like I need to have a perfect body for them to talk to me or like me. I go to a school that's 24% girls, guys can't be too picky. Anyway, whenever I'm rejected I turn to hating my body. I know you can be rejected by different things, but guys top the list for me. And now that I have a boyfriend I feel sooo much pressure to be thin, so that he doesn't decide that he would rather be with a skinnier girl, or guys will think he's too good for me, or so I'll be able to get with another, hotter guy the second my boyfriend breaks up with me.
That's probably a whole other conversation. I seriously never have relationships. If I do I don't care about them at all. But right now I'm just always afraid that my boyfriend (Gold) will break up with me. Like always. It's all I can think about. Which is probably really irrational. IDK. I just checked his facenbook and his relationship status says single. Not that mine says I'm in a relationship, I would never change mine first. But I at least too my relationship status off of my facebook. And I can hardly see him this week because his house is doing stupid ritual stuff so it's closed to initiated members only. He did come chill with me for awhile last night. In my dorm. And he hates dormies. So I guess he made an effort. I'm just really expecting too much from him. It's not like I own him.
So yeah, I hate my body, but I ate a lot today. I didn't weight myself. I didn't go to the gym. I didn't see my boyfriend. BUT. I did go to class. I did get to have dinner at Applebee's with my big sis, my 2 big, my 3 big, and my 4 big. And I even stole my water glass. badass right herrre.