Saturday, December 24, 2011

high standards.

I hate myself. My body, how I look. Just everything.

But the funny thing is, I know I'm not ugly. I'm actually pretty good looking. I mean, I'm not just insanely sexy or anything like that, but I look kinda unique, and I'm told on a regular basis that I could model, besides the fact that I'm too heavy and my skin sucksss.

And I think it's that standard that constantly makes me unsatisfied with myself. Like, normal people don't sit there and be like I'm not gonna be happy until I look like a model. But since I'm told that the potential is there, I'm never gonna be happy with anything less than that. Who wouldn't want to be a model??? I would love it, it's not like I have any idea what I'm doing with my life anyway.

also, I had a slight confidence booster today, I bought a diet mountain dew at a gas station tonight and after I left the (pretty good looking) guy working there ran down the street after me to ask for my number. do boys know how much better they can make you feel about yourself????


  1. yea i was told that a lot as a kid as well so there's always that pressure because u feel like u want to live up to ppl's expectations/ compliments of u...urgh. ooh, that sounds exciting, lol gud for u! i only ever get sleazy guys hit on me, its seriously so gross...

    thanx for ur comment:) bt seriously don't purge, once u start it becomes so hard to stop. u think u have the control in the beginning but eventually u just become addicted. & ur hurting urself. ulcers, esophagus tears, heart damage etc etc. hopefully this fast will stop the cycle for me:) stay strong & u know ur beautiful<3

  2. d'aww, boys chasing you. <3 (i'm totally giggling, NOT THAT YOU'D KNOW THAT.) no seriously, that's so cute. :)

    you know what's good, though? knowing you can improve. a lot of people think "i've always been like this, i'll stay like this." but if you're not happy with it, don't stay there. (only common sense, really.)

    and yes, boys know, but they don't always realize it. :)

  3. You ARE beautiful! and if I was a boy, I'd chase you down the street too!

    Keep your head up, love. To me, you are already perfect.

    Merry Christmas.

  4. You go, girl! also i'd loveee to be facebook friends with you (secretly) with nothing about ED or anything. so message me

  5. I hope Christmas and NYE went well! That's super cute about the boy chasing you down the street! I'm so glad that some boys still do that<3 so cute!