I've felt it creeping up on me for weeks now. That feeling where you can never be happy with your body. When you just want to starve. Well now it's here.
I pulled an all-nighter studying for my chemistry test. Well it's only 6:22 AM now. Hopefully I can stay awake until my 8 AM chem test or I'm afraid I won't wake up for it. I didn't really study that much. I was at the library from 7-10 about 80% studying and 20% facebooking. Then I went to my boyfriends house from like 10-3. Then I came back and studied. And by studying I mean studied/showered/studied/pedicure/showered/studied/ran around in my room. People MUST think I'm crazy. I don't know why I took 2 showers. And why I was so obsessed with my feet. And how all of this became my breaking point.
I'm ready now to starve. To work out twice a day. To be thin, at whatever cost.
I've kept putting it off because I could think of excuses as to why I needed to eat. There's no point starting on a Thursday because it will soon be the weekend and I'll be drinking my weight in alcohol. By monday I was so exhausted I needed food to get me through the week. I'm at the point now where there are now excuses. I don't have a choice. I have to do this. I have to lose weight.
I weighed myself just now, for a refrence and I was 157.6 That's the highest my weight has ever been by about 5 pounds. This is disgusting. I took pictures of myself, also. So I can look back in 3 months and be happy about how I've changed. Hopefully by one month I'll be happy about how I've changed...but still want to change more. I don't think I will be happy with my body until I'm below 125. Even then I think I'll want to be lighter. We'll see, hopefully.