Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Just me and my sister...

first of all, I'm finally home from my grandmas house annnd I'm sorry for not posting and commenting in forever.

But here's what's on my mind right now.

I have a younger sister, she's 17, less than 2 years younger than me, and probs my best friend. We are seriously the closest sisters I've ever seen in my life. We do everything together and get along crazyyyy well.

We have similar personalities, but there are some big differences. We're both outgoing but Alex is in a more goofy and hyper way, while I'm more chill and talkative.

Okay I was gonna name more things but I really can't now that I think of it. We're pretty much the same person except...idk how to say it.

Sometimes my sister is really...fake? She lovesss attention. And I don't blame her, I'm the same way. But she likes attention over things that aren't true a lot of the time. She's smoked weed like 3 times in her life and she likes people to think she's a stoner. She's drank like 5 times maybe and tweets about drinking every 2 seconds. She has never even kissed a guy but loves that she has a "slutty" reputation. And I know she's in high school and you want people to think you're badass or whatever then, but it is sooooooo annoying!!

ahh okay sorry about that rant. Now for the real rant.

My sister is seriously gorgeous. For realll just sooooo pretty. And she's about 5'7 and 115 pounds without even trying. But that's not even the worst part. Worst thing about all of this is, we look practically exactly the same. Except I'm fatter. I actually probs have the better body type, but I've never been able to actually show it because I'm such a fatass. Well, she also has perfff skin. Ughhh I just hate it sooo much!!!

But whatevs, I still love my little sister to death.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


I'm in a hotel in St. Louis.

I'm taking a train to Chicago tomorrow, I'll be there for like 6 hours, and then I'm taking a train to Michigan.

My grandma just had major surgery so I'm going to help her out around the house for awhile...I'll make an actual post soon, promise!!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I need opinions!!

One year ago today I took part in probably the most influential event of my life so far (and possibly ever). I was initiated into my sorority.

I tried writing something about what my sorority means to me, and it just turned into a whole Greek life thing and it was a bunch of rambling. I will make a post in defense of Greek Life eventually, I just need some time to get it right.

I got very emotional while writing it, because I am no longer a member of my sorority (because I'm not a full time student at the moment), but I plan on trying to reinstate next semester. I'm trying to not get my hopes up though because reinstatement is a very tricky process that starts all the way at the national level. I will be heartbroken if I'm never reinstated but I will forever be thankful for getting to experience one year (and all of the rituals included in that year) of Greek life.


I'm kind of curious, what are all of your opinions on Greek life?? I'm trying to get my parents to understand why it has been such an important part of my life, so I guess I need some advice from some people who can honestly tell me how they feel about sororities and fraternities from the outside. All of my friends kind of sugar coat things, I think, in order to not hurt my feelings. But I would love to hear what you think about it, the good, the bad, and the ugly :)

Anyway, please comment and let me know what you think, this means a lot to me :)

cramps and earthquakes

Day four: Do you work out? How many times a week?
Yes. I aim to work out every-damn-day. But that doesn't always happen....like today....

So I woke up this morning, took like 5 steps out of bed and got this weird cramp in my calf that like knocked the wind out of me but only lasted like 5 seconds. A couple steps later and it happens again. And it happened all motherfucking day. I could not walk across a room without getting one. Like it is still happening.

I do have really bad problems with getting calf cramps in my sleep, I got really bad ones about once a week from the time I was 15 til sometime last year. And when I say bad, I mean baddd. Like, jolted awake in immense pain, instantly covered in sweat, screaming/crying for 5-10 minutes while my calf felt like a fucking rock. Eventually I could massage/stretch it enough for it to relax a little and the pain to subside slightly, but then I could never sleep afterwards. I was soooo scared it would just happen again if I fell asleep. And then the next day my calf would be so sore I had to limp around. I looked so pathetic.

I could never find any correlation between the cramps and workouts, or changes in my diet (like too much salt messing up the NA/K exchange??) But I just started drinking powerade zero all the time and now I don't get them as much, guess it was an electrolyte problem.

But anyway, that has nothing to do with this because while these cramps were in my calves, they were completely different from those. They were just little sharp pains that would not go away. They almost felt like shocks sometimes. I was constantly drinking powerade, I took a warm bath, I even ate a banana (hate those things ughh) nothing helped. I am for real going crazy.

I have been having problems with my heel on that side of my body and my parents are worried I have plantar fasciitis, which my dad had/has, and I guess it can affect my achilles, calf, and hammy on that side.

I'm just pissed I didn't get to workout today.

Oh and the craziest thing happened earlier!! I was sitting on my bed, when all of a sudden I felt like my bed was shaking and swear I see my mirror moving back and forth a little bit. So I limp downstairs and go "did anyone else just feel that!? MY BED WAS SHAKING!" Everyone just looked at me like I'm crazy. My mom legitimately checked to see if my pupils were dialated.

So I google this shit, and THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE IN OKLAHOMA AT AROUND THE SAME TIME I FELT THE SHAKING!!!! But I was still thinking I was crazy because, while oklahoma borders missouri, it's still forever away. But then I checked facebook and a few people had statuses about feeling an earthquake, or not feeling an earthquake...so apparently it could be felt all the way out here

I'm not crazy!!!!

okay, maybe I am.

Friday, November 4, 2011

If you don't like something change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

Day three: Do you count calories? What is your daily calorie goal/allowance?
I'm actually trying not to count calories right now. I'm aware of them and making choices based on that, but not counting every single little bite. I would say I probably aim for somewhere around 1000 calories a day. That being said, I'm trying to make myself stonger, so if my body is telling me I need to eat more, I'm going to eat more.

Okay soooo I'm about to rant about something that bothers me a lot. A lot a lot a lot. UGH!

Girls with huge boobs. OMG.

I was on facebook today, totally creeping on everyone's halloween pictures and one thing I noticed, the uglier/fatter the girls were, the more their boobs were displayed. Like seriously?? I'm not saying you shouldn't dress as a slut for halloween. I'm honestly pro-slut on halloween. And I would totally dress like a slut....IF I HAD THE BODY FOR IT. And I don't think having huge boobs entitles you to having "that body". Okay and I'm gonna post the picture that made me the most furious, and I'm gonna take it down in like a day, cuz I'd hate for this girl to find this somehow or something lol

I think we all know what girl I'm talking about...

And honestly, I'm not trying to offend anyone who actually does have big boobs, most of my hate is out of jealousy, promise. But I shouldn't have to feel like less of a woman because I'm "Barely a B". And there is nothing I can do about that! Saying someone isn't hot because they don't have a great chest is like saying someone isn't hot because their face is fucked up.

For the longest time I thought I would for sure get a boob job as soon as I graduated college. Not even so I would have a huge rack, just to be "normal".

But guess what, I'm sick of hating on myself. I may barely have a chest, but I have a great ass, and the bluest eyes I have ever seen. Boom. Sexxxy. Don't hate things you can't change.

This girl is super hot, and flat chested!!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

1100+ calories burned...ughhhhhh

I'm doing sooo much better today. I got a nice 90 min long cardio workout in and I honestly believe that works wonders on my mood. Working out always makes me so much calmer and logical. Which is funny because I am the exact opposite way while I'm working out. And it's not a complete work out without some extremely pissed off music playing, Nicki Minaj is for real rocking my running world recently.

I've also had less than 300 calories today sooo I'm not really too worried about my intake at the moment.

I just keep reminding myself this....

Anyway, Day two: What is your MAIN reason for wanting to lose weight? (Be honest.)
Ummmm. Idk? I feel like this is a dumb question. I want to be happy and confident with the way I look. Once less thing to worry about.

And now I'm gonna feel like a complete dumb ass and ask....HOW DO YOU MAKE LINKS ON HERE!!?? lol I'm computer retarded

I wanted to make a link to the 60 day challenge page but I really just don't know how lol here's the url thoughh


Gawddd I'm so tired from working out. And bored. I wish my life was more exciting so I could actually entertain people by writing about it lol

question: does anyone want to follow me on twitter?? cuz I want to follow you lol

Stupid Girl Post

The truth about confusing boy is I really did like him.

ughhhhhh. I just wouldn't admit that to myself because I don't like guys very often. Like seriously, I have a lot of friends who constantly have a new crush or whatever and I just don't. I meet guys a lot and think ohhh he has potential, but I really know that I don't really like him. And then every now and then I meet a guy and wham! I know I like him from the start.

It's not like I have high standards or anything, most of my friends would say the opposite. It's just I know what I like.

But liking a guy never ends well, so I tried so so so hard to forget about this one and that just didn't work.

Then tonight he texts me apologizing, saying that I'm a great girl, he likes me a lot, I'm a ton of fun, and really nice but we were so off and on that he didn't know what was going on, didn't know what to think about it....and he didn't know what he wanted...and really this all just happened at a bad time...he wasn't trying to use me....and he honestly feels soooo sorry about it all.

Was I his confusing girl??

Whatever, either way, he had to choose between me and another girl and he chose her.

Rejected, end of story.

People always call me chill. cool. laid back. easy going. That's who I am, really.

But tonight I just want to be a dramatic girl who cries over a guy she never had and shit talk the girl he's with now. Is that okay??

he hopes we can still be friends??

Yeah def crying right now. I hate this.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I'm gonna save today and make it the first day of the rest of my life :)

Seriously, I woke up and ate 10 oreos...whyyyyy????

So I do that and then I'm like well I failed today, no work out now, I'll eat whatever I want.

But I ALWAYS do this. If I would have just stopped this forever ago I would already be loving my body. So I'm done with this. I'm going to the gym. I'm fasting for the rest of the day. I'm going to change.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I'm also gonna start the 60 day challenge to keep me on track a little bit.

Day one: How tall are you, what do you currently weigh, and what do you hope to weigh after the 60 days?
I'm 5'9", 164 pounds and I hope to weight 135 pounds by the end of 60 day, I know that's unrealistic, but I'm aiming high lol

And for the weekly challenge, I'm giving up chocolate. I am literally addicted and I always effing binge on it. FUCK YOU CHOCOLATE.

Speaking of things that should fuck themselves, apparently confusing boy was "exclusive" with the girl he's now facebook official with for a month now. That would be like everytime we hung out other than when we first met. Next time I see him he will be getting a crazy death stare from me lol.