Thursday, August 25, 2011

"I know you can be overwhelmed and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?"

Aghhhh that's how I'm feeling right now.

Some things that are running through my mind

- I miss my sorority. Bid day was on Monday and it was super sad not being there or a part of that anymore. Maybe I want to go back to school to be there for the next bid day??

- I want to move to South Dakota. Now. But my car won't be ready for at least 3 weeks. And I've only told my dad that I don't plan on staying here much longer. I need to tell him more.

- I NEED to lose weight. I am fat and disgusting.

- I miss Alex (ex). Alot. But I don't ever want him back. That's why I NEED to leave.

- I"m running from my problems, I know. I don't care. I don't see why that's always such a bad thing.

Anyway, tomorrow I plan to workout a lot, and eat a little. And clean, clean, clean. My house is seriously disgusting.

Sorry my life isn't more interesting.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I don't even know what to tell you.

Seriously, I don't know what's going on with my life. What am I doing????

I wish I knew.

I know I'm not going back to school this semester. And it's not because I think school is stupid and that you don't need an education to get somewhere in life. I actually like learning and shit. I just had a very bad experience with it wrong to think it should be more about learning than getting a job? Not that I really tried learning anyway, but I feel the environment could be part of that reason.

I know I need to lose weight. I've just gained since I last posted. I went on semi vacation where I ate and ate and ate. And drank and drank and drank and drank. I need to stop making unrealistic long term goals. I'm gonna start taking it just a day at a time.

I know I need to get out of here. I hate this town. I hate this state. I miss my friends. I hate my mom.

Hopefully I will have some happier news next time I post. Love you all!

Friday, August 5, 2011

very, VERY mad

I'm fasting for 48 hours starting at 9 AM tomorrow. Not that I'm gonna eat at all before then, that's just a good starting point.

I'm not gonna weigh myself until 9 AM Monday.

I'm supppppper pissed at myself right now. I just want to like punch myself in the face or something//

And this is where I would post a shit ton of thinspo right now if my computer would let me effing upload pictures. Ughhhhhhh. I need to go back to school like now!


Dude, idk what that was all about.

25 days until my first day of class....AT MY NEW SCHOOL!!!

I'm pretty excited, it's pretty clear that I needed to transfer schools. Also, my family is driving me motherfucking crazy. Seriously, blahhhh. After being in college for the year I am hating having parents and rules again for 3 whole months!

Anyway, 25 days til school= 25 day challenge.

I promise, promise, promise this will not fail, like everything else I ever start.

I have work outs every day made up of about 60-75 minutes of intense cardio and about 25 minutes of butt and ab work. On top of that, I'm going to restrict as much as possible. I'm not gonna set a calorie limit for each day because then I go over and feel like a failure and binge more...soo let's avoid that.

AND I suddenly have like 30% more followers today, which makes me crazy happy...YAY!!!

AND idk why I have so much energy right now, but I'm just counting down the minutes until the gym opens.

Today is going to be a good day!!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

My body does weird things sometimes

When I woke up yesterday I weighed 159.4

When I woke up today I weighed 155.4

What the hell? I'm very precise about weighing myself. Same conditions every single time.

And I didn't even fast yesterday, I ended up eating about 1300 calories and then burning 600 at the gym. Which wasn't as good as I wanted, but wasn't bad. And it definitely does not constitute a 4 pound weightloss.

I'm not complaining or anything...I'm happy. I just want to know WHY!? Seriously, What the hell. This has kinda happened to me before too.

If I'm doing something to do this I would REALLY like to know what.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

160 :(

So I'm back at 160. I'm seriously disgusted with myself. The last week I've gone out to eat and then out to party like every single night. And then feeling so terrible the next day that I can't even go to the gym.

I'm sooo pathetic.

I have something I want to update on but I'm sooo mad at myself I can't even start to think about them right now.

Tomorrow I am fasting though, and going to the gym to burn AT LEAST 600 calories, so hopefully by the end of the day I'll be able to talk about slightly happier things.

Wish me luck.