You're the pretender.

I'm going fucking insane.

I think I'm finally being honest with myself. And it blows.

Ok the reason I miss Alex so much is I miss talking to him....at Lambda Chi. He was like a vacation for me. I fucking hate being around girls all the time. HATE.

One thing every guy I have ever talked to/dated has called me: chill, at some point or another they all say, you're just so chill it's awesome.

And it's true. I really don't give a fuck about most things because they don't really matter. People never hurt me because what they do is almost never that bad when you think about it.

I have one sister who I sincerely trust so I was talking to her tonight and she said each of the following at some point in the conversation.

"I love going out with you because you're so fun and I can be myself around you, you're so accepting with whatever I feel like doing I know you'll never judge me."
"You have this fuck it attitude, like whatever happens, happens"
"You're so real, you're like the only person I know who can admit yeah this fucking sucks, we're screwed. And you aren't fake to people you just are who you are and if they don't like you then it's no big deal."
"I'm saying this as a compliment but you come off as a person who doesn't completely have their life all together, I feel so comfortable around you because you can admit that you're wrong and not perfect"
"You're so laid back and go with the flow, but also really independent. Like we'll all be out partying and notice you're gone and freak out like where did Haley go? Shit we lost her blah blah blah but then you just turn up later like ohh I just went and chilled with some new people for awhile, I'm fine, don't worry, no big deal"

And that's how I am.

So living in a house with 45 other girl is driving me fucking crazy!!!! Other girls aren't like this. Like 92% are the complete opposite of chill. I can't stand it. They just talk shit and then act soooo nice. And I really don't think people are talking shit on me. What makes me personally the maddest is that people always try to help me or they're "concerned" but they're not, you're really just trying to get into my business so just admit it. And they always ask me to be sneaky and get in other people shit because everyone trusts me.

WTF

YOU ARE ALL SOOOOOOOOOO FUCKED UP.

And I'm pretty sure that forgetting all this talking and stalking I HATE like like 1/4 of my pledge class for just having a too nice, happy, helpful attitude. Because it's fake. Nobody is like that 100% of the time so stop faking it. It's so annoying and is helping no one.

And I dislike another 1/4 of my pledge class

And I have no feelings towards another 1/4

And I actually like only 1/4

And outside of my pledge class? I have Macke. That's all.

I think I hate my sorority.