Thursday, February 3, 2011

I think I'm having a major life crisis

Me trying to figure out how many calories I just ate.
banana= 120
ravioli= 430
more poptarts=400
cheetos= probably like 400
mountain dew= 165
SO that's 1,915 calories. WTF

I want to throw up so badly. But it won't do anything since I started this major eating at like 1:30 and now it's 5:30.

I burned 400 calories at the gym earlier. So now I need to go back and burn like another 1000. That is honestly my goal. Anything to get me out of here.

Oh, yeah my life crisis.

I have no fucking clue what I'm doing with my life.

- I'm a bio major at an engineering school. I hate bio.
- I seriously failed almost all of my classes last semester. My GPA is a 1.067
- I'm actually smart. I just don't give a fuck. I should be living proof that your ACT score is not a direct correlation to your college GPA. A 32 to a 1.067? right.
- I'm fat and not worthy of anyone's attention. Ever.
- I'm one of those girls who other girls hate. Because I really don't give a fuck about anything. I tell them to stop getting mad at people for talking shit on them because you just talked shit on them last night. Everyone talks about everyone. Just don't take yourself so seriously and you'll be fine. Fucking chill out. And that makes them hate me.
- Some girls in my house are starting to make me so mad. Emily and Lindsay tried to make me party too much at KA so that Alex would break up with me. "Oh sorry we didn't know you actually cared about him that much." Macke is taking her big sister role too far. I need a friend right now, not a mom. Stop telling me what to do. And stop calling me "little retard" for shacking and drinking and skipping dinner. Julia is following me around like a puppy. Just because we're friends again does not mean we're best friends again. That didn't work last time, it won't work this time.
- I ate sooooo much today. Seriously, weight loss is the only good thing in my life right now.
-I'm not even a full time student. I was fucking waitlisted for chem and I never did anything about it and now I need to talk to my advisor and he's a douchebag who makes me feel like a failure so I don't want to. I think I'll just forge his signature.
- I never go to class. What's the point? I don't even care. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Holy fuck.
- My best friends are in South Dakota living their own lives. I want to go back to that life, but I know this is my life now. As much as it sucks, I'd miss it.
- And of course, Alex. Sorry he was my first love and it's taking me a while to get over him. Stop telling me he's not worth my time and to stop thinking about him. It's not that easy.

Can you take mental health weeks in college? I'm about to go insane.

1 comment:

  1. i'm sorry i said you should forget him. i dont know anything. im sorry. i just really suck at giving advice but i wanted to help. im sorry, i was wrong. im bad at being people's friends. i dont know why i even tried.