He controls my every emotion.

This was supposed to be a happy post guys, I promise.

But then I noticed that Alex changed his skype picture from a picture of us to a picture of him and 2 like really hot skanky girls. :( and he's like constantly on facebook and the only way you can stay online that long is if you're talk to someone. So he's probably talking to some new girl. Being like "oh yeah I'm just watching a movie, we've been having movie nights all week. You know you should come by tomorrow for movie night."

:(

:(

:(

I've never been this sad in my life. Or felt this terrible. Seriously, I wish I could just take that one night back

If that one night wouldn't have happened, everything would be different now.

I can't stop thinking about him.

I really really really really really just want him back.

ANYWAY, the "happy" (it's really not that happy now that I think about it) part of this post was gonna go like this.

I made myself a schedule during study hours tonight, and I'm going to stick to that schedule all week. I even scheduled in when I'm eating.

Oh yeah, my new eating plan. I get breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 2 snacks. 100 calories each. I can carry calories over if I want. But just 100 seems like a pretty good number. And the way I scheduled it I never really have to go more than 4 hours without eating unless it's like sleeping time.

One of my sisters said "it looks like you'll be going to the gym more than class this week"

Yup, by wednesday I'll have more hours at the gym than I have hours of class.

And I made this schedule partly to ensure that I'll go to class and shit. Cuz I've been having trouble with that.

I'm trying to change guys. I hate who I am. I'm not that chill, happy, crazy, confident, skinny girl I used to be. Alex hates that the chill and confident are gone. I hate that the happy and skinny are gone. And that the crazy has just turned into crazy drunk.

I wonder what he's thinking right now.


----edit-----
Alex just facebook chatted me and said:

so we're having a room to room this saturday if you would like to come and think things wont get drama filled.

What does that mean? I'm pretty sure this is his attempt to be friends, because of wednesday night, it's completely over. He couldn't want anything other than to be friends.

But I wish he did.