I really really really fucked up. About 7 weeks ago, when I woke Alex up to talk. What the fuck. I'm pretty sure I still love him. And I really shouldn't. He hates me. Literally, I'm pretty sure he would punch me if he saw me.
Anyway, I'm not black balled from Lambda Chi. Just as far as their members are concerned I'm not welcome at the house anymore. That's a quote from Alex though so idk how true it is.
I talked to Lambda Chi's on Saturday night and most of them just felt bad for me. And they were pissed. They said Alex and 2 other guys are really just making a huge deal about everything and that everyone is pissed and totally on my side. And I mean they talked to me like all night so I believed them. But noboday has talked to me since they had a meeting on Sunday night so idk if they're actually my friends. Like they should have at least told me the outcome. So idk. I feel like maybe nobody is supposed to talk to me...
I'm just really sad. I'll never have Alex back now. And it's just so dumb.
Oh and my tonsils got really swollen on Sunday and I literally like couldn't swallow and it was like the worst pain of my life so I went to student health today and the doctors freaked out and they STILL don't know what's wrong with me. They gave me steroids though and I am starting to feel better. I have to go back tomorrow though to follow up, they might send me to the hospital if they don't think I'm significantly better :(
Why am I such a fuck up?