Sunday, April 3, 2011

idk what i'm doing

I hung out with my straightoutofrehab ana friend all day thursday and friday. She's seriously so tiny though. Unlike me. But it's awkward with us. I'm the one who caused her eating disorder. Well I feel like I am. She picked up on my weird eating habits and caught me throwing up and crying once. She tells me it's not my fault, but I'm not sure.

She also tells me I need help. She's afraid I'm about 3 feet away from becoming an alcoholic. I am too. She says even if I'm not in a starving myself or purging phase, I've had an eating disorder ever since she's met me. And still do. Non-purging bulimic is what she called it. She's right, again.

And on top of that all I'm so stressed about school, money, friends, and Alex. I should really see a therapist or something. But I think they would just say I'm being dramatic.

And I TOTALLY failed at not talking to Alex. He texted me on Thursday because I had made my facebook status text me your name so I have your number because I lost all my contacts. He asked for the story behind that..."Knowing you there has to be some crazy story about how you messed up your phone." No, just switched phones with my sister and something got messed up with the back up assistant thing.

He texted me again tonight and my heart stopped when I read it. "What's with all the emotion things?" He said he had gotten drunk and emotional the night before and he doesn't know what happened, he just started thinking about stuff\. What stuff? idk he doesn't want to talk about it. Which is why he brought it up? And then we started talking like normal convo stuff and he told me to come over, to his house which is like 150 miles away. And we joked about that. And that time we hooked up. and our relationship. and then the conversation was over.

And I'm obsessed. What the fuck? I don't do this. I don't care. Ever. Period.

1 comment:

  1. i doubt they'd say you're being dramatic. maybe therapy is a good idea.