How do I fuck up my life so much?
I'm failing school so bad. I'm probably not gonna be allowed back next semester. I'm serious.
If I can't come back next semester I don't know what I'm gonna do. My parents would KILL me. I wouldn't have my sisters. My boyfriend and I aren't serious enough to do long distance. That would just be over. AND MY PARENTS WOULD KILL ME.
I'm seriously considering running away. Just like disappearing. Please. That's all I want. That way my parents won't kill me. I would still hate my life but whatever.
The biggest problem is I have no motivation to even try harder (or at all) with my school work. This whole failing thing is just freaking me out and making me think I'm not worth it. I shouldn't even go to class because I'm too dumb to learn anything anyway. Why even bother studying for this test? I'm just gonna fail.
FUCK
And I don't even know what I want to do with my life. Like there is no career waiting for me after working my ass off at this ridicuous school for 4-5 years. There's no fucking goal. Why should I work hard if I don't even know what I'm working for? What the fuck is wrong with me??
You are NOT dumb by ANY stretch of the imagination! Maybe you should take some time off from school....
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in college (for a whole semester...I know, I know...I'm super hardcore and a total academic...definitely MENSA material) I actually went on academic probation because my grades were SO bad. They took away my grants and financial aid as a result. After that though, I got to really think about what made me happy and what I really wanted to do. I ended up going to cosmetology school. That was my passion and I'm so glad that I had the time to figure that out. Getting kicked out of school was the best thing that ever happened to me in a way. So maybe that's what you need...NOT TO FLUNK OUT but to take some time to explore yourself and find out what YOU want to do.
Hope that the novel I wrote to you helps you some :(
Don't give up. I'm graduating in May and I still don't know what I want to do afterwards. I don't want to do anything!
ReplyDeletethe grades aren't reflective of your mental capacity at all. they never are. not even for me. it just reflects what emotionally and mental state you are in. it's hard doing school and dealing with life. it really is. but you can do it.
stay strong lovely.