How do I fuck up my life so much?
I'm failing school so bad. I'm probably not gonna be allowed back next semester. I'm serious.
If I can't come back next semester I don't know what I'm gonna do. My parents would KILL me. I wouldn't have my sisters. My boyfriend and I aren't serious enough to do long distance. That would just be over. AND MY PARENTS WOULD KILL ME.
I'm seriously considering running away. Just like disappearing. Please. That's all I want. That way my parents won't kill me. I would still hate my life but whatever.
The biggest problem is I have no motivation to even try harder (or at all) with my school work. This whole failing thing is just freaking me out and making me think I'm not worth it. I shouldn't even go to class because I'm too dumb to learn anything anyway. Why even bother studying for this test? I'm just gonna fail.
And I don't even know what I want to do with my life. Like there is no career waiting for me after working my ass off at this ridicuous school for 4-5 years. There's no fucking goal. Why should I work hard if I don't even know what I'm working for? What the fuck is wrong with me??