Tuesday, January 17, 2012

nothing seems real

i'm back at school and I hate it. I feel so aloneeee.

My roommate is so weirddd, but luckily she shacks sometimes. I'm pretty sure I'm not even gonna try to reinstate in my sorority. All the girls are telling me I just need to stop hanging out with my old best friend. My best friend is like so loyal, but she gets on my nerves a lot. I think I've grown up some and she hasn't. My other best friend who is coming back this semester after a suicide attempt last semester has already withdrawn from school. Which is exactly what I want to do. I don't like fit in at this school anymore. ughhhhhhhhh

I really just want like a boyfriend. Which is like a stupid thing to say but like, idk having someone I can just like cuddle and watch movies with at the end of the say is seriously needed right now.

I'm being so crazy right now. I'm binging and purging, crying all the time, skipping class, going on crazy homework binges, drinking til I can't stand, hooking up with random people. I know this isn't how I should be acting right now but I literally can't stop. ughhhh


  1. I support the giving up on sorority decision. Especially if they're telling you to ditch your friend. And I know what you mean about growing up and her not being there yet. I'm in the same boat with my friend. I know she's a compulsive liar, and its annoying but it doesnt hurt anyone, and she just does it for attention, and shes a really nice person super caring etc, so I'd never ditch her.
    I know what you mean about the bf too. I've been hanging out and doing those things with my ex and its nice, but idunno if its what I want forever. (with him i mean)
    I hope you feel better really soon! <3 xox

  2. aww just try to stick it out a little and meet new people!! thats what happened to me after my freshman year, five of us all bffssss, did everything together, for many reasons i was the only one who came back. i didnt leave my bed fall, but in spring i met one person and we clicked (like new best girl friend) from there it got better.
    and i want to be able to go home to someone everyday like my life is dependent on it....